The Idiot's Guide to Self-Defence: Abridged Airhead Edition

Q: Girls, what would you do if a guy was messing up your hair when you were painting your nails? Remember you can't screw up your beautiful nails?
A: A swift kick to his instep with a sharp heel and a quick jab in his solar plexus with a bony elbow will deter the flirtatious attacker. If he continues to disrupt your meaningless vanity rituals with his offensive need for affection and human contact, consider the long-term security option available to you: miniature cans of mace implanted in your nostrils. (Activation button disguised as beauty mark available in a politically-correct range of complexion-matching colours.) Talk to your cosmetologist or plastic surgeon today!