Inventor's Daily Double

Q: "What year did fire start?"
A: Let's see ... that would be ... Zippo lighter in 1933 ... matches in 1805 ... torches ... they had those in the middle ages - I remember they came in quite handy during the witch burnings... Nope, I think fire started before my time. I'll ask grandpa, he should know. He's always telling that story about the first lightning hitting the first tree and starting the whole plasma physics fad.

Q: "Who discovered santa clause?"
A: Look! An old man in a red coat running a toy factory for no particular reason... I think we can market that! Excuse me, sir, do you know if you've been patented yet? Sign here. We will provide a company vehicle. No, not a mule-drawn cart, where've you been living - under a rock? On the North Pole? We've got flying reindeer technology now. I think we can release you in time for Thanksgiving... No, the headquarters are saying it's too soon, we can't put together the ad campaign in time. Christmas, then? There'll be some heavy competition... I think they've just discovered fire and are planning a Christmas release too. The fire thing is hot right now. Ah, what the hell, let's try for Christmas anyway.

Angry Saturday Blitz-Trifecta

Q: "What is the difference between They're, There and Their?"
A: There are people who could answer your question, but they're currently busy posting in their blogs about poor illeterate sods like you.

Q: "Should internet usage be restricted to persons of at least twenty-one years of age and above only?"
A: Should education be restricted only to people who can read and write?
Should running priviliges be restricted only to professional athletes?
Should the right to free speech be restricted only to pompous jackasses like you?

Q:A: The guy you like john will not be your boyfriend anytime soon or ever if you don't QUIT YOUR NAGGIN', WOMAN! Do you ask everything three times?

"How are you? How's it going, John? How are you today?"
"Um, fine, thanks"
"You want to get some coffee? Want to go have some coffee, John? Want to come for coffee with me?"
"Um, no, thanks. I'd rather drive a rusty fork through my eye into my brain and stir clockwise."

Does this happen a lot with the guy you like john?